I tried to be angry about something this morning. Instead I had just the sarcasm for breakfast. And coffee. Can't forget the coffee. Hump day, July 16th, 2008 is very special to me equating to, I guess, my not being able to get an anger-erection. I'll be ambiguous about that and you won't care - which is good. Thank you. July 17th, 2008 is even more special because I'm letting it kindly lead the 'today is the beginning of the rest of my life' train. Mmm...what could it be. Not telling. I have always had a sense of urgency in doing things. It's been that way since I can remember waking up one summer morning, many years ago, and deciding to change the course of my life. What I won't do, I told myself, is what I would to make me regret. It's as easy to follow as it is to catch the air you breathe in the palm of your hands. You can tell people, they won't see it, and therefore won't believe it. The urgency comes from a strangely held belief that I won't live to see 50. I don't see it as a road map to doom, however. Perfectly good thought to motivate me to not waste my fucking time. The urgency hasn't gone. It's just not struggling to prove anything.
You want life to taste good? These ingredients are a must:
Positives: Sense of humor. Ambition. Dreaming in color. Eagerness. Will. Fucking convention in the ass.
Negatives: Failure. Rejection. Anger. Frustration. Regrets. Getting 'fucked' in the 'ass'.
Life tastes good with a pinch of everything above.
It's never easy to change the course you're on no matter how old you are. Someone in their 50s will argue 40s would have been nice. Someone in their 20s will do the same and wish they had a say in their kindergarten education. Excuses, excuses. It's better not to think about the past regrets but if you have a brain you will. Dos and don'ts can choose between the blue and red corner. You have to choose to stay out of that fight and focus. Pronounced with an accent, focus sounds like 'fuck us.' Well, if you don't, everybody will...gladly. Chances are, stepping on a few toes will be necessary in your life sport; you should wear boots.
I'm sure I tried to get my point across with all the above but I may have not understood the term 'cohesive'. Yet it will have a way of making sense to you. You're smarter than most and I know you will arrange my thoughts the way you like and take from it what you fancy. My thoughts, expressed in words and images, always try to steer toward being the ink blot you see a bunny in. Grammar be damned, I'm not writing to pass an exam.
I write to make sense of myself while talking to you.